Crazy Shit that Happens to Me at Work

I'm exhausted from work (they really need more than single coverage per department) and am, therefor, too tired to think straight to come up with anything to discuss/rant about. So here's another edition of "Crazy shit that happens to me at work..."

1. If I haven't said before, I'll say it here. The first customer usually sets a presedence for the rest of my day. Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, that customer is a complete whackjob and/or asshole. I don't even remember what I had set out to do, probably some menial task that didn't really need to be done, when this customer stopped me. She didn't look that old to me, but who am I to judge how old someone looks? She said she's looking for an ear thingy. When I just looked at her like the crazy old woman she was, she said, "You know an ear...thingy." Like that was some sort of terminology that is regularly used. "You know (she said that a lot) a thing for your ear." Thanks. I didn't know what she was talking about until she very disrespectfully rearrange her nonsensical phrase to create a slightly different nonsensical phrase. She also said, "you know what I mean," quite a bit. When most customers say this, it's because, I think, deep down, even they don't know what they mean, so they're probably hoping that I do.

So she finally says she needs an ear thingy for her phone. So I ask her if she needs one for her cell phone or for her home phone. She doesn't know what a bluetooth device is, but a surprisingly large amount of people don't. Crazy, I know. So I show her a few corded headsets for cordless phone systems. After I start explaining how the cord gets plugged into a cordless handset, she stops me and says, "I don't know what that means." I ask her what part does she not understand? Turns out, she didn't know what cordless meant! Seriously? It's in the name. Cordless. Does not have cords.

So I show her a display model of one of the cordless phones we have and show her where the headset could plug into the phone. I continue to explain and I think I've used the term handset a few times and then she says again, "I don't know what that means! Handset, what is that?" It was much more beligerent sounding than I could convey in a blog. So I explain to her that a handset is the part of the phone where...*gasp* your hand goes! Hence the term handset. So I show her some other phones and she stops me again and asks what the difference between a cordless and corded phone. It was a serious question.

So after I'm done, she picks out a phone and a headset and leaves. How did an ear thingy turn into buying a new phone system?

2: This one is much shorter. We have a thing at work where we cycle through employees to act as door greeter, rather than have a dedicated employee for that. So I was the greeter and I smiled and said hello to a customer. She replied by pulling a plastic baggy containing an HP ink cartridge out of her purse and sticking it in my face. Seriously, it was about three inches from smacking me in the eye.
"I need this."
"Ok." I turn to lead her to the cartridges, which were in an aisle right behind where I was standing.
"It's an ink...cartriiiidddgggeee."
Thanks. Because without that, I would've thought she was carrying a Koala Bear around in her purse. Not like I wasn't standing in front of an aisle containing about two hundred different kinds of ink.
So without looking back at the woman, I ask, "Was that a #56?"
Her reply was to the effect of, "I don't know, I just pulled it out of my printer and stuck it in a baggy..."

Still haven't found more fun 'Zero' facts, but I am still looking. Might even check through old edits of the book to see if there is stuff I've cut out that I could post. Until then, stay classy retail customers. Stay Classy.